Tales From Oblivion: Winfred SharkMan
by WanderingWatermelon
Summary: Winfred SharkMan is a simple man who makes his living pilfering gold from water fountains. His neon blue skin and abnormally large nose have never stopped him from leading a normal life. However, the disembodied voices of two teenage girls guiding his every move may.
1. The Fountain

Chapter One: The Fountain

Winfred crouched low in the fountain as the cool water lapped up against his, quite frankly, gargantuan nose. Seriously, the thing was the same size as his entire head. If he were to lie down and let only his nose part the water's surface he would greatly resemble a shark. Interestingly enough, his shark-like nose ended up contributing to his last name: SharkMan.

Winfred had never met his parents and, therefore, never learned his true name. Abandoned at birth as he was, likely due to the offensive size of his smeller, the homeless of the city raised him as their own. Old Man Johan, the eldest of the homeless, named the large-nosed baby, in a feat of extraordinary creativity, Fred.

Winfred went by Fred until he discovered an aptitude for gambling and scavenging for money at the age of ten. People began to tag on a 'win' at the beginning of his name until the entire city knew him as Win Fred. When he turned twelve, he started introducing himself as Winfred.

Of course, his last name didn't become SharkMan just because the ridiculous size of his nose. For one, the neon blue tinge of his skin made it impossible to discern his race, which was typically how the orphans of the streets got their last names. For example, Winfred's childhood best friend, George DeftNord, earned his name through his lock picking skills and Nordic disposition. As such, Winfred had to acquiesce to Old Man Johan's suggestion to make Man the suffix of his last name.

The true origin of the first half of his surname was his true talent: Hiding in wishing fountains and stealing the coins people threw in. Many considered it to be in bad taste or even claimed it would bring bad luck, but Winfred was damn good at it and he didn't believe in concepts like luck or karma. He could hold his breath longer than anyone else as he waited for coins to fall, which led some to speculate that he may be part Argonian. His blue skin acted as camouflage as he sat stock-still in the water, the ripples on the surface concealing him as he collected gold by the fistful.

However, since his clothes only hindered him, he often wore nothing more than a cloth to cover his unmentionables. This... led to some problems. Namely being stopped by guards as he wandered the city half-naked. They typically thought he was either drunk or on skooma and just left him to his own devices, much to his relief.

At least, until one of them decided to follow him and caught him in the act. Before he could explain why he was in a fountain wearing nothing but his underwear while a pack of highborn children tossed coins into the water, the guard had already drawn his sword. Winfred surrendered as quickly as he could and agreed to go to jail, as he could not afford to pay the fine with what he had on his person.

They forced him into an uncomfortably itchy but mercifully clean set of clothes and threw him into an old cell in the dungeon.

That was when the voices started.

"OH MY GOD HIS NOSE!"


	2. The Voices

AN: A huge thank you to WarriorCeles for helping out with this story! Most of this is based on an actual play session we had together while playing Oblivion a long time ago so she's a rather sizeable part of the reason why this exists lol She also wrote the summary because I suck at summaries and she helped me design the cover XD (which is unfortunately unavailable on the ffn version of this story because I can't figure out how to upload it... so...)

Hysterical laughter bombarded Winfred's ears and he jumped to his feet in an effort to find the culprits. It sounded like two adolescent girls, but the only other living thing around was a fully grown Dark Elf with a mean smile in the cell across the hall. And he stood silent and still as anything.

"Winfred SharkMan!" one of the two voices managed to say before cracking up again.

"I knew his nose was going to be enormous but oh my god his nose!" the other wheezed as she spoke. Winfred grew increasingly frustrated, wondering if this was some sort of immensely annoying spell. The Dark Elf started to speak but the girls, who he concluded only existed in his mind, effectively deafened him.

"Kelsey wait, the guy in the other cell is saying something." Winfred felt a sudden surge of gratitude towards the first voice. He sighed and took a seat at the small wooden table by the left wall as the second voice, Kelsey, made a short dismissive noise.

"Nah, he's just making fun of us and telling us we're going to die down here."

"You're going to die down here!" the Dark Elf mocked, as if on cue.

"See?" Kelsey said, sounding a little too pleased with herself. Winfred froze when the sound of approaching footsteps echoed through the dimly lit dungeon corridors. The Dark Elf resumed his taunts but Winfred was rather preoccupied at that moment. Kelsey explained to the other voice, who she called Selena, that this was the 'main quest' which was, in her words, 'boring.'

"What is a prisoner doing here? This cell is supposed to be off limits!" Winfred jumped up from his spot at the table and looked at the entrance to his cell with wide brown eyes. A small group of imperial soldiers and the emperor himself stood on the other side of the rusty bars, watching his every move. All of them ended up staring at his nose at one point or another.

Kelsey quickly guided him through a conversation with the emperor, who had apparently seen Winfred in his dreams, with practiced ease. A female soldier opened a secret passageway in the cell and Winfred couldn't stop himself from giving the Dark Elf, who had fallen silent, a smug look.

"You're going to die in here!" Kelsey mocked, laughing too much to imitate the Dark Elf's intimidating growl.

"Can we go over there and punch him in the face?" Winfred arched an eyebrow at Selena's question, finally allowing his shoulders to relax.

"I don't know, actually. I've never tried. Probably not. There's a mission later where you get to kill him, but that isn't for quite a while." Winfred wandered over to the cell door and looked closely at the lock. "Yeah, this lock requires a key."

"Maybe you can pick it or something?" Winfred backed away from the cell door after a moment and picked up the ceramic cup on the table.

"I don't have any lock picks. I can't pick a lock without any lock picks, Selena." He gave the cup an appraising look before storing it for safe keeping.

"Wait, did Winfred just steal a cup?" He flinched at the sudden acknowledgement and Kelsey snorted.

"Oh my god, he totally did! A man after my own heart!" Winfred couldn't decide if he should feel proud or not, so he settled on feeling confused. "Don't worry, we'll sell it later."

"Isn't that what you said almost immediately before you ended up with your entire inventory full of random guns?" Kelsey spluttered for a moment before she relented.

"Well... yeah... But guns are useful! Random prison cups are not!" Winfred ignored the duo and started his trek through the secret exit.

"Guns are only useful if you use them, Kelsey."


End file.
